The Call.

In a moment of weakness I drop my head down on my knees that are pulled tightly into my chest and squeeze my eyes shut. For an instant in time, I'm back in California. I can smell the old familiar smell of my small bedroom, feel the cold wood beneath my feet, hear my moms muffled voice through the wall as she talks on the phone in the other room. Then a voice that isn't familiar reaches my ears, a sound I would have never heard in California, and I open my eyes to a child yelling towards me, jerking me back to reality. She runs to me and I stretch my legs out in front of me to welcome her into my lap. She just sits there, content to be held, and I hold her tight because I miss my own brother who is about her size. The waves beating the shore before us are perfect imagery to my emotions, to my homesickness. It hits with a thundering clap and immobilizes me for just a moment, and then it's swept away, swept out to sea, and everything is calm, and beautiful. The little girl wraps her fingers around my thumb and it's all bearable with this stunning child on my lap. She says something in her language, something that I don't understand, but it doesn't stop me from responding, it doesn't stop us from laughing and playing. She gets up to run to the water and throws her small body into the waves, always popping her head back up to see if I'm still watching, then diving back down. Two more run up, a girl and her younger brother, carrying yellow Jerry Cans to fill with water. They throw the cans on the sand as they run, stripping out of their clothes before their feet touch the water, and within an instant, they're playing in the waves, laughter echoing through the air, back to me. They play for a while before they reluctantly crawl back onto the sand and begin filling the cans. 

It's moments like this when I can breath, really breath. Moments like this when I praise the Lord for this call. Moments like this that I laugh at myself for ever feeling homesick. Remembering the words that I heard at the very beginning, I open my journal and begin to write; to record these things so that I can be strengthened when I'm weak, so that I can run forward when I want to run away. 

The Threshing Floor

The Threshing Floor

The threshing floor—a term that sounds so harsh, but a place that brings about so much goodness.

I am not an expert on this subject or the process of how it is accomplished, but I have a basic understanding. In reading the small amount about it that I did I was astonished at the method of threshing wheat. Threshing is the process of loosening the edible part of the grain (the crop) from the inedible part (the chaff). After the grain is harvested (the initial planting of the cereal grain) it must be taken to the threshing floor. Before the invention of threshing machines donkeys or oxen were used to separate the chaff from the crop by having them walk on the grain in small circles around the threshing floor. Once the grain is threshed it must be winnowed. Winnowing is the process of purifying the harvest. The mixture left on the threshing floor would simply be thrown into the air on a windy day and because the chaff is much lighter than the crop the crop would fall straight down while the chaff would be carried away with the wind. Once the grain has been completely threshed and winnowed you are left with only the crop, only the usable part of the grain.

Being here I have seen myself in new light. Blind spots have come out of the shadows and now shine so brightly in my face, a light that is polluted by my flesh. I could continue on the same way, trying to see through the flesh infected light, and live with a permanent squint. Or, I could go to the threshing floor.

 Here I am, arms up, ears open. The Lord is speaking. This last month I have felt Him ground out the parts of me that will not be useful to His kingdom. It’s funny how I felt so much pain, my heart was heavy laden and filled with unrest. Everything inside of me fought to hold tight to what Jesus didn’t want me to have. “No, Father, this is all I know.” “No Father, what will I do with this?” “No Father, this is how I’ve always been.” He was gracious and patient with me, and now I lay here on the threshing floor. Chaff surrounding me. I see it as chaff, not as a part of me. I see it and I hate tit. I praise my God that He took it away from me.

            Now I am taking slow deep breaths, welcoming the winnowing. I am glad to see my hindrances blow away in the wind. I am glad to be in the refining process, this process never-ending.

            Dear Christian, don’t be afraid of the threshing floor. Welcome it, and endure the pain, you will surely glow with the light of life in Jesus afterwards.

           

I came across a wonderful devotional by C.H. Spurgeon, I want to share a few sentences with you, but I encourage you to follow the link and read the whole passage!

That which was bred in the bone is hard to get out of the flesh. Threshing is used to loosen our hold of earthly things and break us away from evil. This needs a divine hand, and nothing but the grace of God can make the threshing effectual. Something is done by threshing when the soul ceases to be bound up with its sin, and sin is no longer pleasurable or satisfactory. Still, as the work of threshing is never done till the corn is separated altogether from the husk, so chastening and discipline have never accomplished their design till God's people give up every form of evil, and abhor all iniquity . . . Threshing becomes needful for the sake of our usefulness; for the wheat must come out of the husk to be of service. We can only honour God and bless men by being holy, harmless, undefiled, and separate from sinners. O corn of the Lord's threshing-floor, thou must be beaten and bruised, or perish as a worthless heap! 

http://www.spurgeon.org/misc/thresh.htm

Filled Up

Last Wednesday was an exhausting day, spiritually, mentally, and physically. I needed to be filled up, but all I wanted to do was crawl under my covers and sleep away the exhaustion. Calvary Chapel Entebbe has a Wednesday night service and meal, it is called Acts 2:42, and our team attends every week. I usually love Wednesday nights and look forward to the service, but last Wednesday I wanted to be anywhere but at the church. However, the message we received was the exact message I needed to continue on in the tasks set before me. Funny how the days we would rather be anywhere but in church are the days the message is exactly what we need to be refueled. God knows the needs of His children and He is faithful to come to our aid!

I have a few large tasks set before me, all things I have never done before nor had any idea I would be doing. All things that are highly important, that I wanted to do a good job with but felt I would be useless in these areas. I had so much to do in just a few days and all I knew was that I am just a kid, just an ordinary kid that couldn’t make a difference in this certain area. I am going to give you a brief overview of the message on Wednesday night.

We are beginning a new study, 1 Samuel. We looked at characters and themes.

Theme 1: God uses ordinary people to accomplish His great purpose!

I am as ordinary as they come. As skill-less and simple as anyone. There is nothing special about me, nothing that is irreplaceable. I thank my God that He uses ordinary people and gives them extraordinary lives. King David was a shepherd, but because he let the Lord use him, he became a staple in the heavenly kingdom. The Lord used this lowly boy in a mighty way. This is my prayer—Lord, use me in a mighty way!

Theme 2: When God calls you to a task He fills you with the Holy Spirit, the ability to do the task, and brings people along side you to help you with the task.

Again, I thank my Lord for this. He has placed tasks in my hands that I can’t handle on my own, but my team has helped me through, teaching me as we go. I have learned so much from them, but also, the Holy Spirit has inspired my mind in ways I couldn’t even imagine. As I was working, I knew things that I have never learned and could do things that I don’t know how to do. I know the Lord is here to help me and guide my hands as I carry out His work for His kingdom!

Theme 3: God has a will that HE WILL accomplish…we can choose to be on the sidelines watching, or we can choose to be apart of that will!

Where do you fit in the will of God? I know where I want to be. I want to be in the centre. The Lord wants to use us. No matter what, His perfect plans will be filled, but if we offer complete obedience to Him, He will use us! We have the choice to work along side Jesus or just sit back and let Him work through others. I don’t know about you, but I want to be at the right hand of my heavenly father. I am here to be His hands and His feet.

I was encouraged through this message and let it ring through my ears, as the following couple of days were long and grueling. Jesus was always there to pick me up and strengthen me when I felt as though I was too yo

The Lord Goes Before

An island i've never been to, a life-style I could never have imagined, teaching things i've never taught to people who speak a language I don't know...all of these things awaited me as I sat on the boat that carried me towards the island of Zinga. I closed my eyes and tried to find some familiarity in the way the waves moved the boat slowly up and then slowly down. I leaned towards the edge allowing the spray from the lake to sprinkle my face. The sun was hot and the water was refreshing, at that moment it didn't matter to me how dirty it was or how many times I was told to not allow the water into my mouth. I smiled as I remembered old summer days on the boat with my family. I rested my chin on the splintered wooden frame of the old blue bloat and opened my eyes. The clouds were rolling across the sky and seemed to be mighty than ever. The white wall reached from the sky above us all the way to the waters edge and it glowed with a reassuring light. The angels of the heavens were at Zinga, preparing the way. I thought of everything I had set out to accomplish and instantly felt the nerves rise in my throat. 

A distraction, I needed a distraction. "Bartholomew, can you teach me a children's song in Lugandan?" Perfect. We spent the next hour going over key phrases and songs in the language of the island, and I began to get excited about teaching the children. I looked out of the boat, and there it was...Zinga. The shore was lined with boats, some broken in half, some tipped on there sides or upside down, some intact and floating in the water. A man was walking behind a herd of about ten bulls, a few children were playing in the water, jumping up and down waving their hands wildly, a woman with something on her head stopped walking to turn and watch us dock our boat. I instantly began to shake, my legs were weak and my hands were unsure. I was terrified. I scanned the island scene quickly and my eyes froze on one of the boats in the water. In large white letters scratched into the side it said "Amen." I looked to Michelle and saw that she saw the same thing. She smiled at me and said, "See, the Lord has already gone before us. Be encouraged."

We handed out coloring sheets that went along with the message. The fact that they got to color made them smile so big!

Some of the most beautiful children. 

Enoch

David 

Homes on the island

about to leave.

Pray for this island. Pray for all of the islands in Lake Victoria. 

Awesome In Power

The first worship song I heard played in Africa was Our God—Our God is stronger, our God is greater, God you are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in Power, our God, our God...and if our God is with us than who could ever stop us, if our God is for us than what could stand against?—It was a sweet whisper of a warning at the time, "You are just beginning my child, you will face opposition, but if you allow me to be with you, who could ever stop us?" I was so encouraged hearing that song. I remember the emotions perfectly. It was my first day here, I had just arrived at Calvary Chapel Entebbe for the first time and was completely overwhelmed. I was surrounded by children, beautiful children that pulled tears from my soul to my eyelids and I struggled all morning to keep the tears at bay. It was the Saturday Kids Club Party, and everyone was gathered to sing some songs, meet the visitors, and begin the party! The first song they sung was Our God. A few of the kids knew the words and sung with smiles on their faces, ignorant to the deep meaning of the powerful words. I closed my eyes and let the words seep into my soul. 

The next day, my first Sunday attending Calvary Chapel Entebbe, Bosco, the worship leader, sung Our God with the congregation. I assumed it was a regular church song, considering I had heard it two days in a row. I closed my eyes, raised my hands, and sung as loud as I could. "If our God is for us what could stand against?" So powerful. I knew my God was with me and I was prepared to face any attacks the enemy had planned for me. 

Here I am, almost exactly one month after my first day here, wiping the dirt from my knees and face daily after falling from the trips of the enemy. I seem to be held up in so many different ways, in every aspect of ministry and personally. Satan started small and slow, but he gained confidence and began to yell and destroy, bombarding the entire team with his obnoxious presence. 

When people talk about the Attacks of the Enemy, and tell me to be prepared, for some reason I always expect the attacks to come as loud and obvious as a literal bomb being dropped in my path. I seem to forget that this enemy of ours is furtive and oh so crafty. He slithers in so low to the ground that he is able to go unseen and silently tangle himself around our ankles, not touching flesh or bones, and at the opportune moment he stretches his snake like body in both directions and tightens his scales around us to make us trip so unexpectedly.  

Tonight, during the midweek service we sung, Our God is stronger, our God is greater, God you are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in Power, our God, our God...and if our God is with us than who could ever stop us, if our God is for us than what could stand against? Not the whole song, just these lines. Just what I needed to hear. I was beginning to think I was too weak to be here, beginning to think things COULD stand against me and things COULD break down my walls. I felt like I was losing my strength and I was running out of my ability to be strong. Jesus knew I needed a reminder. He is on my side, He is interceding for me, He is fighting for me. He will be my strength, and my rock to stand upon. Satan has nothing but mind games. Satan has no power. My God is awesome in power!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlA5IDnpGhc

(Song by Chris Tomlin)

Blind Spots

If our eyes are up and not on ourselves our blind spots will become even more visible and less of a hinderance. 

Where are your eyes?

I know mine need a placement adjustment. here on the mission field it is easy to be distracted by the work we have before us, and the people we serve. It's easy to ask God to give us strength through the day to be extra hands to the people here who are in need. It's easy to ask God to guide us through our ministry at church, but it's most easy to forget to ask God to guide us through our first ministry. 

Our first ministry is in our homes. This is true whether you live with your immediate family in the United States or with a group people you have only known for a few months in Africa. From the time you wake up to the time you lay your head down for the night, your ministry is happening. 

I have forgotten this. I have been too busy wishing the people I live with would change, or nit picking almost everything they do and say. I seem to have been blinded by what they are blinded to, and vice versa. We all have blind spots. Why is it so easy to see other peoples? When it comes to seeing other peoples blind spots, He has extended His grace to us, how could I withhold it from anyone else? 

An exhortation was in order tonight. It hit hard and it hurt. Where are you eyes? The problem we're all having is that we don't see beyond ourselves. We don't even attempt to look beyond ourselves. If we look at others to see what they need and see how we can serve them, well, that's a step in the right direction. Being humans we will have all  the best intentions, but we will see that persons imperfections and begin to annoyed that they don't do things the way we do them, and they don't say the things we would say. Look to the most perfect of all, the wisest of all, the most loving and loyal; look to Jesus, our perfect example, our saviour. If our eyes are fixed on the heavens our ministries will surely flourish. Not to say we will never be annoyed with people, or we will never think about ourselves above others, but we will have peace, and wisdom. Where our eyes are fixed there our hearts will be also. What better place for our hearts to be but in the heavens with our Saviour? 

Ultimately what we need to remember is that the battle should not be amongst us, the battle is spiritual. The attack of the enemy is to cause us to hold knives to each others throats, and lose our wits with each other. But our battle must not be carnal. "For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 

Our God is faithful! Looking up at the sky tonight, it seems to be more beautiful than ever. The stars spaced to beautiful shines so brilliant. They twinkled and seemed to sing, saying, "We're beautiful to draw your eyes to us, gaze into the heavens and be glad!" The Lord gave us a sky that is beautiful. Look at the sky and get lost in it's beauty, it's physical beauty, and the beauty of the Lord that it conceals.  

Costly Sacrifice

Then his master shall bring him to God, and he shall bring him to the door or the doorpost. And his master shall bore his ear through with an awl, and he shall be his slave forever. 

—Exodus 21:6

I, Olivia Barrett, have been nailed to the doorpost of heaven, and am now a bondservant of my Master, Christ Jesus. I now and for eternity devote my life—time, talents, and treasures to the furthering of the kingdom and to the pleasing of my Lord, not of man. (Galatians 1:10)

I have only just begun this journey, but so far, I have been radically rocked for Jesus. The journey began three months ago when I moved to Montana, U.S.A. to attend a missionary training school called Potters Field Ranch. At this school I learned what it looked like to live as a bondservant, and decided that it was what I wanted for myself.

I now live in Uganda, Africa and am in the full swing of serving the Lord with everything I have inside of me. I, along with the six other members of my team will be living here for six months. Afterwards I will be pleased to go and do whatever it may be that the Lord has for me. This blog is where I will be recording lessons and insights learned and discovered by the team and myself.

Today I learned an important lesson about servant-hood; I feel that it is important that I share this lesson first and foremost. In the book of Habakkuk we’re told to write down the things the Lord gives us so that we may always run back to them when we would rather run away; then we continue to run with the words of the Lord. (Habakkuk 2:2) So, the verse the Lord gave me today was 1 Chronicles 21:24.

But King David said to Ornan, “No, but I will buy them for the full price. I will not take for the Lord what is yours, nor offer burnt offering that cost me nothing.”

We are so far from home, in a lifestyle that is so different than what we are used to. Eating foods we’ve never had, washing all of our laundry by hand, praying the electricity and water last throughout the week, traveling mostly by foot, having to communicate with people who don’t speak the same language as us, and on goes the list. From time to time I find my mind wandering towards ways I could have served the Lord in a more comfortable fashion…and then this verse comes to mind.

Look at God, our perfect example. He gave everything—His one and only Son, to take the sins and save us, an ungrateful and undeserving people. In comparison the Lord has simply asked us to say goodbye to our families, and our comforts of life in the U.S. for a time while we travel to the ends of the earth.

I heard someone once say, “Missionaries are stepping stones to Christ”, I agree. Now the question is, as a missionary, am I willing to be stepped on? Am I willing to put my own comfort aside and give a costly sacrifice to help others? It is so easy to give something as long as the sacrifice is measured, as long as it doesn’t hurt too much, but that’s not true love—that’s not true servant-hood.

If I truly am nailed to the doorpost of heaven I should be willing, and even desiring, to go to the ends of the earth; past all comfort and familiarity to serve my Master. I will give my life to the Lord, I will not offer as much as is easy to let go of. He will have all of me, even when I kick and scream and want to hold tight to parts of myself. I will offer my life as a sacrifice.